Coming Out - Etiquette For the Straight
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Your friend just came out. What do you say? Everyone knows someone that is suspected. It could be that friend, a co-worker, neighbor, or your barber. The day came when this person opens to you and says “I’m gay”. What do you say? What’s your reaction? What should you say? If you’re not sure. We’d recommend reading this article as well as be prepared for this day. Nowadays, more and more people are coming out and eventually you will know people whom will tell you about their sexuality. If you haven’t hear someone tell you this yet, you probably know someone that you would like to ask, but don’t because of fear of invading their privacy or being offensive by accident. At the same time, several friends of you whom are gay, they want to talk to you, but they don’t because they have fear to trust you and be wrong.
[edit] ”I’m Gay
First of all, you certainly can look surprise after someone comes out to you, but please do not start a bunch o silly questions such as: “Are you sure?”, “Can I change anything?”, “can I help you?”, “how did that happen?”, “When did you turn gay?”, “I knew this already” or “you are not gay…laugh…” . This will just make the person uncomfortable. Each person has a different way to come out and a different decision process. There are several factors to include in the decision such as friends, parents, family, work – read more at Coming out. Some people will come to you out of nowhere and say “I’m gay”, others will think about this for days, weeks and even years. Always keep in mind that coming out is never easy. Be always supportive and polite. You don’t have to be any different that you were before. Talk to your friend in the same way that you always have talked. Talk about the same things. During the conversation, if it is a private conservation, talk to your fried as you would talk to any straight guy who is telling you the first girl/boyfriend or the first experience if someone. You may ask if your friend has someone, the name of the partner, age, when/where they met. If there is a partner and if you feel comfortable, tell that you want to see them together one day. Thanks to your friend for telling you and you should show appreciation for your friend’s trust on you. If you are in a public place with lot of people and just happened to discover the sexuality of your friend, don’t make your friend the focus of the conversation, bombarding with tons of questions coming from everyone, unless this situation is comfortable for your friend. Try to talk about other things, but treat your friend with the same respect.
[edit] Are you gay?
If you want to find out if your friends are gay, first remember that it is their life and they have rights to keep that to themselves. But if you think that you are a very good friend, but it hasn’t been any opportunity for both of you to discuss about this, you can try very softly go ahead and try to find out. As suggestion, try to look at some hints about the person. Good examples are pictures. Looking in their online profile, asking about some of the friends that are in the pictures, asking where did they go last night, and if this person is always accompanied in all pictures, try to make your question in plural next time i.e. “where did you guys went last night?” (Only after you know the name of the person, after knowing the answer for who is in the pictures, etc). If the person feels comfortable on answering in plural too, this is a good sign that you are getting closer. After a while, show your friend that you are ok with the situation, may invite them over one night for drinks, and make them comfortable. Sometimes, actions are better than words.
